I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
