I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
