I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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