I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
