You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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