Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
