So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
