3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
