Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
