I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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