oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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