Buhtt sex?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
