Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
