i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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