Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
