I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
