Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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