I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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