My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
