i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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