it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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