I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
