Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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