She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
