I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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