Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
