She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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