i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
