I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
