I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
