she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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