ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just gift wrapped bread.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
