i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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