my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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