Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
