I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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