When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
