I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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