the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
