Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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