I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
