Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
