Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
