if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
