She is in my trunk
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
