so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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