Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
