im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
