You work out of a Hotel?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
