He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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